red meat and i.

So there I stood, smearing my prints on a glass box, drooling considerably. The pink and fleshy lumps of meaty delight beckoned me. I decided then and there - I will make steak! 

However, I failed to remember that I am absolutely awful at cooking beef. Chewy beef is never good! You grow impatient gnawing on it, give up, and choke on the remains. Then get water, choke on that. Then someone hits you or breaks your rib or something. So on and so forth. This is never a good time, and should be avoided at all cost.

(When choosing a steak, select deep red cuts with streaks of tallow.)

Well, I bring this slab of marbled beef home, and unwrap it. Naturally the dogs are both standing at attention, figuring I'm going to break down to their pitiful attempts at begging and give them my dinner. No sir, not today. They wiggled rumps the entire time the meat was unwrapped to devoured, to no avail! Ha! Okay, I lied. These dogs are spoiled rotten, and their butt stink will testify.

I have this habit of washing meat, and I'm sure it's not a bad idea, but make sure you pat it dry with a paper towel before you season it. Otherwise you'll end up with this messy liquid spice you can't do anything with. The seasoning I sprinkled on this time was a generous mixture of rough ground garlic powder (with parsley), black pepper, and seasoned meat tenderizer. Be careful with the tenderizer, it's usually quite salty. I enjoy salty, so if I say it's salty....it's quite possibly salty..

I would suggest clipping your fingernails before cooking hands on with meat. I didn't obviously think this one through. Rubbing the spices into the steaks was an awkward hell for me. I'm a bit ocd about my nails, and having foreign objects under them activates a twitch. It's awesome, really. 

 

In the mean time I had some oil heating in a pan, at high, waiting anxiously to brand the meat. The warm and spicy aroma wafted through the kitchen, and the dogs begin to stress their already intense begging ritual. Ignoring them has become a sport for me, really. Though only on the pan for a couple minutes, the meat began to sear. After both sides were brown and crusty with spices, I put it in a Pyrex casserole dish with the oil from the pan (add some if it seems too low), shoved it in the oven at 250-300 degrees, and had me a drink.

DRINK!

The difference between this steak and the other slabs I bunked was just a bit of patience. I checked the oven often, flipped it over once, added a little seasoning here and there, and let it be.

I didn't, however, have enough patience to wait until the meat was fully done. Nabbing a chunk before putting the dish back in the oven, I cut and greedily chewed. Fresh from the oven, it was incredible. Not to give myself to huge a pat on the back, of course. Each bite exploded in my mouth before melting in what ways meat can. Instead of being overwhelming, the black pepper and garlic crust accentuated and complimented the velveteen pink interior. 

At this point I was literally sitting there as a mother hen would - ruffling her feathers, and beaming quite proudly at that ivory toned creation between her webbed toes. Only this time it was a steak.